Why We Choose Pain Over Healing
Ever noticed how we sometimes cling to our struggles—even when we know they’re hurting us?
Ever noticed how we sometimes cling to our struggles—even when we know they’re hurting us?
The brilliant therapist Bert Hellinger put it perfectly: “𝘚𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.”
Oof. That hits deep, doesn’t it?
Here’s the thing: 𝐎𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠. It’s not because we’re broken—it’s because we’re human.
We might stay stuck because:
Healing feels like betraying someone who suffered before us Our pain has become part of our story (Who am I without it?) The unknown is terrifying (What if it’s worse on the other side?)But here’s what I’ve learned: 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠.
The moment we say: “𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦” or “𝘐’𝘮 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳”—that’s when real magic happens.
It’s not about forgetting the past. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫.
Which feels more true for you right now?
“𝘐’𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵” “𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦”(Both are okay. Healing isn’t a race. 
)
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