Walking With Each Other: The Power of Understanding Positive Intent
The other day, my son told me he wanted to stop procrastinating on school projects. What followed was such a gentle, revealing conversation.
The other day, my son told me he wanted to stop procrastinating on school projects. What followed was such a gentle, revealing conversation.
“What happens when you procrastinate?”
“Well… if we get a project due next Friday, I’ll wait until Thursday night to do it.”
“And what happens then?”
“I finish it and still get good grades.”
“So what are you doing in the meantime, while you’re not working on the project?”
He smiled: “Playing online with my friends. It’s really fun.”
Then came the key realization:
“So what part bothers you?”
“Just that panicked last-minute rush…”
And here’s the magic:
Because we explored this without judgment, the solution emerged naturally from him:
“Actually… I think if I do an hour of work right after school, then play after dinner, I could keep both – no stress.”
This is the power of understanding first:
We honored what worked (friendship + good grades)
He identified what didn’t (the stressful crunch)
The solution came from his own insightWhy this matters:
Children: When we replace “You should…” with “What happens when you…?”
Workplaces: When we ask “What’s working about this approach?”
Ourselves: When we get curious about our own habits
The pattern holds:
Understanding → Ownership → Sustainable Change
Next time you see a behavior that puzzles you, try:
“Help me understand what this does for you…”
You might be amazed at the solutions waiting to emerge.
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