Why Chasing Happiness Makes You Miserable

Ever feel like the more you try to be happy, the more it slips through your fingers? You’re not alone, and there’s a fascinating reason for it.

 

This is a total mind-bender. So I’ll give you a minute to unpretzel your brain.

Ready? Here it is:

Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience.

Accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.

 

This is what the philosopher Alan Watts called “The Backwards Law.” It’s the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become. Why? Because the very act of pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.

 

Let that sink in.

• The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make.

• The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance.

• The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you.

• The more you want to be spiritually enlightened, the more self-centered and shallow you become in trying to get there.

 

We think the path to our goals is through relentless pursuit. But “The Backwards Law” suggests that true contentment comes from a counterintuitive move: acceptance.

 

It’s not about giving up on goals. It’s about releasing the desperate need for them to define your worth. It’s about making peace with the present moment, even when it’s uncomfortable, rather than constantly fighting it in the hope of a better future.

 

By accepting our negative experiences—sadness, fear, insecurity—we rob them of their power over us. And in that acceptance, we often find the very peace we were desperately searching for.

So, what do you think? Has there been a time in your life where you found something by stopping the chase?