The Ultimate Feedback Loop: Why Your Communication is Define by the Result

In the theater of human interaction, we often perform with a specific script in mind. We carefully choose our words with the best of intentions. And then, the other person responds in a way that is completely unexpected, leaving us frustrated and thinking, “But that’s not what I meant at all!”

This NLP presupposition: The meaning of our communication is the response we get, shifts the entire responsibility for effective communication from the listener back to the speaker.

-Letting Go of “Good Intentions”-

We are often taught that communication is about our intent. NLP challenges this notion head-on.

If you tell a joke intended to lighten the mood and the other person becomes offended, the meaning of your communication, in that context, was “offensive,” not “funny.” Their response is the measurable outcome. Clinging to your “good intention” is irrelevant to the result you achieved.

-How to Apply This Presupposition Today-

1. Detach from Your Intentions: Before a crucial conversation, clarify your desired outcome. Then, once you speak, let go of your attachment to how you think the message should be received. Focus solely on how it is being received.

2. Become an Observer: Pay close attention to the responses you get. Listen not just to words, but to tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. These are your data points.

3. Pivot and Adapt: If the response isn’t what you wanted, don’t just repeat yourself louder or slower. Change your approach. Use different words, a different tone, a metaphor, or a question. Ask, “What’s your understanding of what I just said?” to gather more data.

4. Cultivate Flexibility: The person with the most flexibility in a system has the most influence. The more ways you have to communicate an idea, the more likely you are to be understood.

By adopting this principle, you realize that communication is a circular, not linear, process. The response is not an interruption of your message; it is the completion of it. And it is the only true measure of your communication’s meaning.