Have you ever felt an invisible weight holding you back—like you’re running in place no matter how hard you try? Many of us carry quiet burdens that don’t belong to us, patterns we didn’t choose yet somehow keep living out.

 

In a heartfelt episode of The Cosmos in You podcast, host Susanna Scully speaks with Dr. Carl Buchheit, a wise and compassionate guide (and my amazing teacher!) in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Family Constellation Therapy. Their conversation reveals how love—even when beautifully intentioned—can sometimes keep us tied to pains that aren’t ours to carry.

 

NLP: Rewriting Our Stories with Kindness

NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is a gentle approach to understanding how our minds shape our experiences.

 

As Carl shares: “Our struggles often come from old, well-meaning adaptations—ways we learned to protect ourselves or belong long ago. NLP helps us update these patterns with compassion, not judgment.”

It’s not about fixing what’s “wrong” with us, but about gently offering ourselves new choices when old ways no longer serve our happiness.

 

The Quiet Language of Love in Families

One of the most touching insights from their talk is how unseen family bonds can shape our lives in ways we don’t realize.

 

Carl explains tenderly: “So much of what holds us back is love in disguise—a silent promise we made, long ago, to stay connected to those who came before us. Even when that connection asks us to carry pain that wasn’t ours to begin with.”

 

For instance:

If a parent or grandparent knew hardship, we might unconsciously limit our joy or success to “stay loyal” to their experience

If loss or struggle runs through our family story, we might replay similar patterns—not because we’re flawed, but because love remembers

These invisible threads aren’t mistakes. They’re evidence of how deeply we care. But when we bring them into the light, we can honor that love without continuing the pain.

 

A Way Forward: Gentle Awareness

Carl emphasizes that healing begins not with force, but with loving attention:

Notice with curiosity: “Where in my life do I feel stuck? Could this be an old, loving promise I’ve outgrown?”

 

Honor the past while gently loosening its hold: “Thank you for how you cared for me. I’m learning a new way now.”

Rewrite our inner stories: NLP offers kind tools to help us respond to life with more freedom and less fear

 

If This Resonates With You, You might explore:

The full conversation (be prepared to be mindblown! and don’t say I didn’t warn ya!) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pjUhOJxAm0

Carl’s work at NLP Marin – https://nlpmarin.com/

Carl’s book: Transformational NLP: A New Psychology – https://www.amazon.com/Transformational-NLP…/dp/1940468515

A Final Thought

If you’ve ever felt inexplicably held back, please know: you are whole. What feels like a burden may simply be love waiting to be understood—and released with tenderness.

 

PS – And I would like to greet my dearest teacher, Carl Buchheit, a very happy birthday today! Thank you for all the incredible work that you do, and for bringing about so much healing and wholeness to the world. Wishing you a year ahead that’s as transformative and enriching as the work you do.